No, really, I am. And I'm a better wife, daughter, granddaughter, and friend. Don't believe me, ask the people that know. No lie... 3 months after losing my job, my best friend told me I was I nicer person. Wasn't really sure how to take that at the time, but I get it now.
Last Thursday, Preston and I were on our way to school and MOPS. It had been a ridiculously busy morning. I am not a morning person... at all. Never have been. (Which, that's one of my favorite things about staying home... no alarm clocks! (except on Sunday morning)) So, of course, I couldn't drag myself out of bed early enough. I'm still having a hard time adjusting to feeding a new baby and calculating that time into my "get ready" total. So, of course we were late. I had invited a couple of people to MOPS, so I needed to be there to meet them before MOPS started... at 9:15. Preston's school starts at 9. We got in the truck at 8:57. Needless to say we weren't there on time. When I got the boys loaded in the truck, I was frazzled. I had been rushing to get us all ready to be on time, and now we weren't going to, plus I had left my phone... which, one of my friends was going to call when she got to MOPS for me to meet her.
Going through all of this in my mind and sulking in my frustration, Preston starts talking to me. And I mean really talking. It was "Mommy, this... Mommy, that... Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" I was about to lose it, and I did for about a second. I raised my voice, and then I realized... this is not his fault. It's not his fault I wanted to sleep 10 more minutes instead of getting up and getting them ready so we wouldn't be late. It's not his fault my phone is still plugged up on the charger on my bedside table. It's not him... it's me.
I immediately flash back to when I worked. I thought about taking him to Pam's everyday, picking him up every night, and being frustrated... a lot. And being upset with him... a lot. And not enjoying my child... a lot. And it was all me. I couldn't turn it (my job) off. I couldn't turn the stress off, and he was the one that had to deal with it. Talk about guilt setting in. It immediately changed my attitude. I told him I was sorry for being short with him, then we had our prayer that we have when we're on our way to school, and things were better. A lot better. It made me realize how different my life is now... how much better my life is now.
Don't get me wrong... there are days when I wish I had a job. I see how quickly we're outgrowing our house, and I think, "if I only had my job" we could get a bigger one. I think about going shopping at Stein Mart like I used to (when I had a closet full of clothes with the tags still on that I didn't wear ) and think if I had a job, I could do that. We could buy a boat for the cabin my parents just bought, we could go on vacation, we could do a lot of things. But you know what? If my job meant being able to do all these things, but not having a good relationship with my children because I couldn't focus on them, then I'll take being jobless. I'll take my life exactly how it is... I would take living in a card board box and eating Ramen noodles 3 times a day if it means I can be a good mom, totally focused on my kids.
For some people, they can turn it off. To you, I say congratulations. You're fortunate. I didn't have an office where I could leave it, and I'm sure I probably put more pressure on myself than was necessary, but that's just how I operated. And because of that, I'm thankful. I'm thankful God knew better than I did. That He has made (and continues to make) me the mother I need to be... fully dependent on and totally devoted to Him.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Motivation
I.can.not.get.motivated.
To work out anyway. I'm sitting here typing this because I seriously don't have the energy to get up and jog, do a workout video, get on the wii, or even just walk on the treadmill. Could someone please tell me it's ok? That having a 4 month old and 3 1/2 year old I'm chasing after all day... plus doing endless mounds of laundry... plus cooking dinner... plus cleaning the house... plus entertaining previously mentioned 3 1/2 year old... plus feeding, bathing, and changing diapers of the 4 month old... is enough to make anyone tired, and I'm not expected to find the energy?
Good news is, I've aparently become motivated to blog... yay me. And not just on this one, my other one as well. Have you heard about it? southernbellesoapbox.blogspot.com? You should check it out too, and I have another as well, but you'll have to find it to be able to read it. haha!
Anyway, that's all I got right now.... I just need some motivation... and energy... and to be independently wealthy while we're asking for things.
To work out anyway. I'm sitting here typing this because I seriously don't have the energy to get up and jog, do a workout video, get on the wii, or even just walk on the treadmill. Could someone please tell me it's ok? That having a 4 month old and 3 1/2 year old I'm chasing after all day... plus doing endless mounds of laundry... plus cooking dinner... plus cleaning the house... plus entertaining previously mentioned 3 1/2 year old... plus feeding, bathing, and changing diapers of the 4 month old... is enough to make anyone tired, and I'm not expected to find the energy?
Good news is, I've aparently become motivated to blog... yay me. And not just on this one, my other one as well. Have you heard about it? southernbellesoapbox.blogspot.com? You should check it out too, and I have another as well, but you'll have to find it to be able to read it. haha!
Anyway, that's all I got right now.... I just need some motivation... and energy... and to be independently wealthy while we're asking for things.
Friday, January 7, 2011
The best big brother in the world
That would be Preston. He is the current title holder, and hopefully won't have to relinquish his title for indecent behavior! Seriously, he is so great with Brooks... better than I ever imagined he would be. Of course it's taken us 4 months to get to this point... and I am definitely not saying that we are in the clear, but let me just give you an example of what it was compared to what it is now...
When P first met B, I really thought everything was going to be great. He LOVED him... he even wanted to see his toes and count them! When Brooks cried, Preston cried... he just didn't want anything to be wrong with his baby brother. Then, we left the hospital...
And the temper tantrums ensued... and the potty training reverted... and the back talk started. Someone told me about 2 weeks after I had B that the worst possible time to bring a new baby into a child's life is at age 3. Well, guess what? P is 3. He threw a temper tantrum if we looked at him the wrong way. He totally ignored me because I was spending so much time with the baby, and if I wanted to spend time with just me and P, he snubbed me. Needless to say, I was heart broken. Then the reverting started. He had been in school for the first couple of weeks and started coming home with his "back up" pants on. Understand, he had been potty trained for a minimum of 6 months at the time. He definitely knew the "feeling" of when he needed to go. This going in our pants lasted until he got a good spanking and then it stopped... proof that he knew what he was doing. And the back talk, well, some say that could just be because he's 3 (and let me say, 3 is way worse than 2 ever thought about being. Not even sure why they call it the terrible 2's... maybe because 3 is so bad that there is no word in the English language to describe it). Saying no to everything... and I mean EVERYTHING, and not only saying no, but defiantly telling us he will not do things and physically trying to keep from doing things and then we physically have to make him do things. And these are not hard things! It's not like I'm asking him to create world peace or solve the government's budget issues... I'm simply wanting him to wash his hands after he tt's and put on his pants. Ridiculous. Let me give you the most specific example of how he showed out because he was having to share Mommy's (among others) attention.
It was the first and last time Justin would have to travel with the state (thank you, God, for a new job!). So, he was gone to Jackson, and I was still breast feeding. It was time for Brooks to eat, and as usual, we (me, P, and B) piled up in our bed for me to feed the baby. While I'm feeding him, Preston gave me this awful look... a mean look. He said he had to tt and asked if he could use our bathroom. I said, "sure". So he goes in our "toilet closet" and shuts the door. I hear the toilet flush and flush and flush... I don't know how many times I heard it flush. Well, after he had been in there entirely too long, I called for him and asked him to open the door. Of course he didn't, so I had to unlatch B, situate him, and then headed to open the door. When I did, there was P with his hands on two bottles down in the toilet. He had taken the squirt bottles I was ordered to use by the doctor, filling them up with toilet water, and squirting them on the floor. When the toilet ran out of water, no problem, he just flushed it and filled the bowl back up and repeated the squirting again. There was literally a quarter of an inch of water ( if not more) all over the floor. After that, I stopped breast feeding, and after that, things got better.
Fast forward 4 months... even less... let's say 3. About a month ago, I was cleaning the hall bathroom, and I heard Preston cooing at Brooks... saying the exact same things I say to get B to smile and interact and laugh with me. I peeked around the corner to see my precious 3 year old laying on the jungle gym mat next to his baby brother cooing at him and rubbing his face (the same way I do). When he was done, he moved over and gave B a kiss on the head and told him he loved him. Talk about melting a mother's heart! Then, just this week, I was walking by B's bed (he was napping) and there was a blanket on him... a blanket I hadn't put on him. I asked P if he had put the blanket on his brother. He said, "Yeah. Brook cold." So sweet. He's also been helping feed him more, talking to him when no one is watching, kissing him when no one is watching, and making sure his mobile is on. He's such a great big brother. He's so protective of him... only letting people he deems acceptable to touch his baby brother. It's an answered prayer... truly.
I've got to go now... doing laundry. Will try to most more soon... but really, you should be proud. What is this, like 3 posts in the same month... in the same week? It's a record!
When P first met B, I really thought everything was going to be great. He LOVED him... he even wanted to see his toes and count them! When Brooks cried, Preston cried... he just didn't want anything to be wrong with his baby brother. Then, we left the hospital...
And the temper tantrums ensued... and the potty training reverted... and the back talk started. Someone told me about 2 weeks after I had B that the worst possible time to bring a new baby into a child's life is at age 3. Well, guess what? P is 3. He threw a temper tantrum if we looked at him the wrong way. He totally ignored me because I was spending so much time with the baby, and if I wanted to spend time with just me and P, he snubbed me. Needless to say, I was heart broken. Then the reverting started. He had been in school for the first couple of weeks and started coming home with his "back up" pants on. Understand, he had been potty trained for a minimum of 6 months at the time. He definitely knew the "feeling" of when he needed to go. This going in our pants lasted until he got a good spanking and then it stopped... proof that he knew what he was doing. And the back talk, well, some say that could just be because he's 3 (and let me say, 3 is way worse than 2 ever thought about being. Not even sure why they call it the terrible 2's... maybe because 3 is so bad that there is no word in the English language to describe it). Saying no to everything... and I mean EVERYTHING, and not only saying no, but defiantly telling us he will not do things and physically trying to keep from doing things and then we physically have to make him do things. And these are not hard things! It's not like I'm asking him to create world peace or solve the government's budget issues... I'm simply wanting him to wash his hands after he tt's and put on his pants. Ridiculous. Let me give you the most specific example of how he showed out because he was having to share Mommy's (among others) attention.
It was the first and last time Justin would have to travel with the state (thank you, God, for a new job!). So, he was gone to Jackson, and I was still breast feeding. It was time for Brooks to eat, and as usual, we (me, P, and B) piled up in our bed for me to feed the baby. While I'm feeding him, Preston gave me this awful look... a mean look. He said he had to tt and asked if he could use our bathroom. I said, "sure". So he goes in our "toilet closet" and shuts the door. I hear the toilet flush and flush and flush... I don't know how many times I heard it flush. Well, after he had been in there entirely too long, I called for him and asked him to open the door. Of course he didn't, so I had to unlatch B, situate him, and then headed to open the door. When I did, there was P with his hands on two bottles down in the toilet. He had taken the squirt bottles I was ordered to use by the doctor, filling them up with toilet water, and squirting them on the floor. When the toilet ran out of water, no problem, he just flushed it and filled the bowl back up and repeated the squirting again. There was literally a quarter of an inch of water ( if not more) all over the floor. After that, I stopped breast feeding, and after that, things got better.
Fast forward 4 months... even less... let's say 3. About a month ago, I was cleaning the hall bathroom, and I heard Preston cooing at Brooks... saying the exact same things I say to get B to smile and interact and laugh with me. I peeked around the corner to see my precious 3 year old laying on the jungle gym mat next to his baby brother cooing at him and rubbing his face (the same way I do). When he was done, he moved over and gave B a kiss on the head and told him he loved him. Talk about melting a mother's heart! Then, just this week, I was walking by B's bed (he was napping) and there was a blanket on him... a blanket I hadn't put on him. I asked P if he had put the blanket on his brother. He said, "Yeah. Brook cold." So sweet. He's also been helping feed him more, talking to him when no one is watching, kissing him when no one is watching, and making sure his mobile is on. He's such a great big brother. He's so protective of him... only letting people he deems acceptable to touch his baby brother. It's an answered prayer... truly.
I've got to go now... doing laundry. Will try to most more soon... but really, you should be proud. What is this, like 3 posts in the same month... in the same week? It's a record!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Just a quick one...
I have to say that I have the BEST husband in the world... bar none... if you want to argue, we can go out back (haha... just kidding... kind of...). Just to give you the latest example...
Today when Justin came home from work, we were discussing my impending "business" (I'll blog about that later... no, really, I will) and how well it seems to be taking off (praise you, God!). Seeing the look of concern on my face (because I will always be a terrible worry wart), he walks over to me, kisses me on the forehead and says to me, "I believe in you, even when you don't, and I've got confidence in you, even when you don't." There's nothing in this world he could have given me that would mean more to me than that right there... no amount of money, nothing.
I totally know that I make some people so sick when I talk about my husband... I get it, I do. But you need to get this... coming from a divorced family, I never knew a marriage could be this good, and that 2 people could love each other this much and still be in love this much after being together for over 8 years. I'm just so thankful that God has answered all my prayers in that one man.
Just needed to gush for a second... now I've got to get ready for our date! ;)
Today when Justin came home from work, we were discussing my impending "business" (I'll blog about that later... no, really, I will) and how well it seems to be taking off (praise you, God!). Seeing the look of concern on my face (because I will always be a terrible worry wart), he walks over to me, kisses me on the forehead and says to me, "I believe in you, even when you don't, and I've got confidence in you, even when you don't." There's nothing in this world he could have given me that would mean more to me than that right there... no amount of money, nothing.
I totally know that I make some people so sick when I talk about my husband... I get it, I do. But you need to get this... coming from a divorced family, I never knew a marriage could be this good, and that 2 people could love each other this much and still be in love this much after being together for over 8 years. I'm just so thankful that God has answered all my prayers in that one man.
Just needed to gush for a second... now I've got to get ready for our date! ;)
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Determined...
That would be my key word for 2011. Determined to do what you ask? This...
Be a better wife and mom
Lose weight (while eating a Hershey's kiss as I type)
Get healthier
Read my Bible daily
Have prayer time daily
Talk to my grandmothers a minimum of once a week
Exercise 3x a week... minimum
Be able to run a 5k by June
Blog more (don't laugh)
And, since I've heard that there is this new thing where you can have your blogs published into a book, I figure I can save time on my scrapbooking by just doing all of the journaling here with the picture and press a button at the end of the year to have my scrapbook. See how I've got it all figured out?
All of this is doable... I just have to do it.
Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of the boys today, but what I do have is a picture of our New Year's Day tradition... Hoppin' John. Enjoy!
Be a better wife and mom
Lose weight (while eating a Hershey's kiss as I type)
Get healthier
Read my Bible daily
Have prayer time daily
Talk to my grandmothers a minimum of once a week
Exercise 3x a week... minimum
Be able to run a 5k by June
Blog more (don't laugh)
And, since I've heard that there is this new thing where you can have your blogs published into a book, I figure I can save time on my scrapbooking by just doing all of the journaling here with the picture and press a button at the end of the year to have my scrapbook. See how I've got it all figured out?
All of this is doable... I just have to do it.
Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of the boys today, but what I do have is a picture of our New Year's Day tradition... Hoppin' John. Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
He called me by name...
Tonight on the way to church, I heard a great song. A song I knew every word to. A contemporary Christian song on The Message, and one, no doubt, they've run into the ground. It's not a new song, and honestly, I can't even remember the name of it right now... but a phrase... one phrase gripped me... "when You (God) called me by name". For some reason, tonight I couldn't get past it. It was like I had never heard it before. I couldn't even sing another phrase. I was so overwhelmed... God called me... by name... to be His forever.
Growing up in church, I've heard that when God calls you, He does so by name. I guess I just never got it before. How humbling is it to think that the maker of Heaven and Earth would call me by name. Even more humbling, to think that I am worthy for Him to call my name, for Him to want to spend eternity with me when I am so filthy with sin, for Him to send His only son to die for me and give me abundant grace. I'm just in awe.
Has he called you by name... are you His forever?
Growing up in church, I've heard that when God calls you, He does so by name. I guess I just never got it before. How humbling is it to think that the maker of Heaven and Earth would call me by name. Even more humbling, to think that I am worthy for Him to call my name, for Him to want to spend eternity with me when I am so filthy with sin, for Him to send His only son to die for me and give me abundant grace. I'm just in awe.
Has he called you by name... are you His forever?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
And then there's this...
We're pregnant! As a matter of fact, we're about to get to meet our baby boy any day! Can't believe it's been that long since I blogged! And I'm not going to say I'll get better at it, because I'm pretty sure that with 2 babies, things aren't going to get less busy!
We actually found out in January, and things have been crazy and wonderful at the same time! I've seriously had the most bizarre pregnancy ever! In the last nine months, I've had strep, the stomach virus, multiple sinus infections, various other infections, nose bleeds, and pregnancy induced carpal tunnel on top of the usual pregnancy symptoms! It's been a whirlwind, but like I said, wonderful at the same time!
And yes, we are blessed to be having another baby boy! I honestly thought I would want a little girl, but when we saw that it was definitely a boy, I was so excited you couldn't hold me down! Of course, after losing the pregnancy last year, and the one before Preston, what we're having isn't nearly as important as the fact that he's healthy! And while my body may have gone a little haywire, I'm happy to report that Brooks, our little man, is perfectly healthy!
Like I said, we're very close to meeting him! On my visit to the Dr. last week, she said she'd be surprised if I make it to my next visit!
We had a 4d sonogram done. Aren't those just amazing? Who would have ever thought that you could see a clear picture of your baby before he's even born? Here he is!!
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